Thursday, October 31, 2013

It's a walk in the park!

Georgia state law requires all cities to give full access to gun toting idgits.

I couldn't make it up. The City of Gainesville has been forced to re-write its laws to allow guns into its parks.

How about that?

Here's a link to a story on why your kids will be facing the real life version of Yosemite Sam at the playground.

Halloween prank

Today is Halloween of course.

Our office had dress up day. Soooo .... being who I am, I dressed up as a professional mortgage loan officer.

They thought I was a Republican Congressman.

It scared the Hell out of everyone. How childish. Not my co-workers. Republican Congressboys.

Friday, October 25, 2013

If corporations are people, tax them like people!

There's an article out of USA Today about corporate tax rates.

Yes, the maximum corporate tax rate is 35%. I don't know exactly where the US ranks in corporate taxation, but I bet our maximum tax rate has us in the top ten world wide.

But, corporations don't pay the maximum. The average for corporations were 12.6% in 2010. Wish I was taxed at that average rate.

Think about it in rough numbers. If you make $8,700, your tax bracket is 15%. That's for a single filer in 2013.

Are you making over $36,000, you're in the 25% tax bracket. That's $9,000 leaving you $27,000 to live on.

That's just federal taxes. I'm not adding in Georgia's 6 percent income taxes or the 7 percent withholding for Social Security.

Here's a cut and paste from the article.

The news comes months after after the Government Accountability Office released a report showing that companies in 2010 reported an average effective tax rate of 12.6%, well below the 35% federal corporate tax rate.

Corporate giants such as telecom firm Verizon, drugmaker Bristol-Myers Squibb and power management firm Eaton, all reported effective tax rates of 0% during the past 12 months.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

There's a gun to my head! IRS agents have machine guns and are forcing me to pay taxes!

Back to this little irrational theme.

Let's say I stop making my mortgage payments. I'll go through the same hoops as not paying my taxes.

The bank sends me a few messages. If I don't reply, I start getting some personal attention. If I still don't reply, I get a default notice. If I still don't reply and don't pay. I get a notice that my home is going to be seized and sold to the highest bidder. Which will be the bank holding my mortgage 90% of the time.

My house gets sold. I get an eviction notice. If I continue to squat in the house, I get evicted by the new owner.

Maybe a law enforcement officer wearing a gun and driving a car with a trunk full of guns helps keep the peace during the eviction.

If I resist, I don't usually get shot. But, if I get violent, I could get dead.

That doesn't mean the bank is holding a gun to my head forcing me to pay my mortgage on time.

So the wackos who think the IRS has a gun to their heads will say, "I don't have a choice in government. I do have choices in the market place."

No. You can't change to a bank that doesn't expect you to pay.

This whole thing about a deadly threat forces tax payment is bullshit.

When the IRS starts executing delinquent tax payers on the street, I'll change my mind.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Ronald Reagan quotes. Timeless.

"It's possible we did, but I don't recall."

"I wouldn't know."

"I don't recall."

"[S]ometimes I kind of ran for cover and was very happy to duck a committee duty in these matters."

"I don't honesty recall."

"I don't recall."

"I have no recollection of this particularly."

"I wouldn't be able to tell you."

"[M]y memory is like a kaleidoscope.

"To tell you of my own memory, in my mind I can tell you whether we did nor not, I can't. I don't really recall."

" I don't know what you are getting at with the question."

"There you have me. I wouldn't know where we cracked that and if you tell me I'll have to take your word for it."

"Well, maybe the fact that I married ... and went on a honeymoon had something to do with my being a little bit hazy."

"I don't recall ... [because] I was up in Glacier park making a cowboy picture."



He has something in common with me. I don't recall him being a great man. Not in my memory. Honestly. I can't. Not even hazy.




All the quotes are taken from his sworn testimony before a Grand Jury in 1962.
What if Aliens from Mars invaded America? Would they use drones to control us? Monitor our cell phones? Wear body armor when patrolling our streets? Cover their eyes with protective glasses? Live in isolated compounds? Move in convoys? Would they look so out of place that we could spot them no matter how hard they tried to camouflage themselves?

So why when we invade another country do we expect to be welcomed?


Stop playing Space Invaders and just cut 'defense' spending to defense levels!

Be very, very quiet!

More on the Gun to my Head crowd. Just a quick one.

If I felt an invisible gun to my head, saw an invisible man, and heard voices in my head saying, "Pay your taxes or Die!'
I wouldn't be telling people about it.

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

"A Gun to my Head!"

I’m reluctant to write this since the school shooting in Nevada. My apology to anyone offended by the timing.

Seems there has been a invisible gun pointed at my head for years by the federal government. Or, I’ve been too much of a ‘libtard’ to see this lethal threat.

Anyway, the government has been taking money from conservatives with a gun.

Now, I’ve never seen anyone robbed like this. But, I haven’t seen anyone robbed with a knife or a big rock. I don’t even know if muggers use big rocks. I’m thinking that if I haven’t seen the government robbing people at gun point, I might have missed out on the proper use of a big rock.

So a couple of my Facebook friends were having a discussion about National Public Radio, NPR . Well, I think they were talking about NPR. They keep calling it NGR, National Government Radio. Or, National Propaganda Radio. Or Pravda.
I got the impression that Big Bird carried the gun to rob people for NPR. So I asked what did the gun look like and please describe the person holding the gun.

That might have been when I was called a moron. But, it was repeated again that money for “National Propaganda Radio is taken by force. BY FORCE! – AT GUNPOINT.”

Being the ever inquisitive ‘moron,’ I asked about this whole gunpoint thing again. Seriously, if someone is holding a gun to your head, saying 'I’m taking your money and giving it to NPR,' you would be able to describe the person and the gun. Even small details like the gun was placed like 'between my eyes' or 'to my temple.'

No one took that question seriously. I might have been called a ‘libtard’ at that point. Hard to remember all the really funny putdowns. Especially when I’m a complete moron libtard like that "guy from Kenya."

So no one remembered any details of their robbery at gun point beyond NPR getting the loot. So I boldly challenged the room to prove their money was taken and given to NPR. The best answer came from “Lee.” Who must be a direct descendant of Robert E. Lee. “At $446 million (supposedly the amount given to NPR), every dollar everyone paid on this thread in taxes went to NGR aka NPR.”

At this point, I felt my inquiry was getting somewhere. They were talking about taxes. Plus, Big Bird was off the hook for mugging. I really was worried about him and Cookie Monster.

"So someone in the government holds a gun to your head to collect your taxes! Why didn't you just say that! Now, what did they look like and what kind of gun did they have? After all, if the tax man is mugging you on the street, with a gun, there must be witnesses and stuff. That is if anyone in this room pays taxes.”

The angry response was, “I can produce a check stub to demonstrate that I am, indeed paying taxes - which are extracted from me BY FORCE! - AT GUNPOINT! You can also see that NPR receives money - taken from Citizens BY FORCE!”

By now, I wasn’t surprised by the anger or tone of the discussion. But I was pissed off because my check stub doesn’t disclose anything about how the government spends my tax dollars.

I must need a new accountant. I'd really like to know which welfare queen with a Cadillac is getting both of my tax dollars. Maybe she can use me as another dependent.

So that conservative guy really gets mugged every week by the IRS. Which I didn’t understand even after he ‘screamed ‘at me, “The IRS employs ARMED AGENTS. Do you deny that basic, pedestrian fact?”

This guy knew his stuff, though. The armed agents employed by the IRS all carry “little 10mm MP10 submachine guns.” That must fit well in a shoulder holster under a Brooks Brothers suit. Maybe they tuck it in the waist band. Again, just because I haven’t seen anyone mugged with a big rock doesn’t mean it doesn’t ever happen. So it's possible IRS shop at Brooks Brothers Conceal Carry Department.

All that to collect money for this state run media called National Government Radio. Which is not biased at all.

I’ll get back to everyone on the exact mugging procedures used by armed agents of the IRS when taking your lunch money as soon as I can.

I've already started research on how the local governments mug people for 'property taxes.'



Friday, October 18, 2013

Rhinos in Kenya versus RINO's in Congress

Our world is losing biological diversity at an alarming rate. One threatened beast is the rhino. That huge hog with armor plating and a monster sized hood ornament.

Poachers have nearly hunted them to extinction cutting off the horn and leaving the carcass to rot. The horn has mythical value to some as a healing agent. It's much more valuable to the rhino.

Kenya is now forming a plan to slow or stop the rhino poachers. The Australian reports all remaining rhinos will have a microchip implanted in their horn.

Before any jokes about the NSA monitoring the chips, park rangers will do it with hand held scanners. Plus, those rangers get to subdue the beasts before implanting the chips.

There's a job opportunity in that some where.

But, what to do when the poacher is caught? I've suggested cutting off their noses.

Certain Republican members in the House of Representatives tried that recently and liked it. They may do it again. Hopefully, this cutting off one's nose to spite the country will continue in Congress until we can separate the REAL Republicans from the pretend Republicans by looking at them.

Rhinos and RINOs should have noses. The selfish can do without them.

Problems signing up for ACA, the Affordable Care Act.

Forbes and other high profile outlets are covering the start up problems with the Affordable Care Act’s insurance marketplaces.

Well, those websites don't work is the news coverage.

Who built the websites?

It seems that Obama and his daughter designed the websites using an 8 bit Atari computer. They found the computer in an old closet used by George W. Bush. They expected to find a Playstation 3 from Bush's term as the 43rd President of the United States. I guess Rumsfeld or Cheney took that home. Seriously, Obama didn't let his kids work on the website. Michelle did and its all her fault.

With Obama being President, it's his fault if the website doesn't work because Obama can't do anything right. Or correctly.

But, the website has been developed and run by CGI Federal. A private company. One of more than 200 companies involved with federal IT issues and development. I don't expect to read an article in Forbes or any other news outlet blaming private contractors. It's always the government fault.

If we are assessing blame, why not blame the government for hiring a crappy private company? That would be more fair than assigning personal blame to Obama. And, Yes! Each time it is called Obamacare instead of ACA it is by default Obama's.

I'm not going to talk about the Affordable Care Act by calling it Obamacare anymore. It's not his. Not anymore.

It's ours. Too bad the Republican Party had to shut down our government to prove it.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Short temper alert!

I've been a bit short tempered with some of my friends today. If you haven't gotten your fair share of abuse, the day isn't over yet. Here's a tip on how to move up to the front of the line.

Tell me how you are under appreciated by government employees who just got a two week paid vacation from you.

Here's what I'm going to tell you.

You're way over impressed with your self.

Your problem isn't with others. It's with your station in life. It's way lower than you ever expected and not likely to change.

And, lastly, destroying the federal government isn't a self improvement program.

Friday, October 4, 2013

Bad advise worth having

In my Facebook account today was a video of some 'Dag' in Australia giving an interesting graduation speech. Dag means Dude to the non-cool guys trying to be hip in the days of Hip-Hop and Be-Bop.

I'm not sure I can link the video in to my blog but here's my best shot at it:



Video

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Vacations!

It was a Saturday morning. My wife and I were headed to Myrtle Beach, SC. I had on shorts and flip flops. Something under the dash brushed my left leg. I looked down. “Damn car is falling apart! Look at that bundle of wires that just fell out of the dash.” That's what I thought. Really. Damn Detroit and Tokyo, too. I start to reach for the thing and it MOVES!

Rather smoothly with no trace of anxiety I turned to my bride of 35 years and said, "Would you mind taking the wheel? CAUSE THERE'S A SNAKE IN THE CAR AND I GOTTA GOOOOOooooooo!"

You know 'that' woman didn't believe me. She thought it was another one of my tricks to make her drive so I could take a nap!

I had to grab the damn thing and hand it to her before she got serious. The wheel. NOT the snake. When I say, Take the wheel ... I mean take the wheel! Like I was going to grab up under the dash to get a snake while doing a hundred and five. Hell. I didn't know my car could still do a hundred.

Need to scare the carburetor more often.

So there I am, sitting in the backseat watching Susan drive from the passenger seat. Dang. That was fun to watch. Glad the cruise control was set. I had a short conversation with my Maker while Susan did the Apache fertility and rain dance in her bucket seat.

If the damn snake had had any sense of fear, it would have tapped the brakes.

Pulled over at a gas station and did the Fill'er up and Check under the hood pantomime to the attendant. And, “Oh, would you mind ever so much to get the snake out of the dash?” Alas, there just no full service gas stations left.

Spent a good ten minutes sticking my feet out of the window while poking my left hand into all the hidden nooks behind the dash. Seriously, would you have used your right hand or your left hand to cover your mouth so you wouldn't scream like a girl every 3 seconds?

I learned that my wife can still scream "Get it out!" as loud now as she did that night 30 years ago when our first child was born weighing 11 pounds. The only difference was that this time I shared her sense of urgency.

Does the owners manual have a chapter on removing reptiles? Oh Hell NO!. I am going to write Nissan about that. It needs to go right after the section for removing dead cats from the alternator belt.

After 10 minutes the snake wasn't through with 'Hide n Seek.' So we came up with plan B. BURN THE CAR!

Plan C was to get back in the car and start driving again. Lull the snake into a false sense of security then grab it, beat it to death with a shoe, THEN burn the car just in case snakes are like cats and hide from humans to give birth.

Started back on the road with Susan doing the Lotus position. Me? I was the bait waiting for Death to grab my ankles again. After about 10 miles, Susan says, "Turn the heat on." What the Hell? I was only kidding about burning the car. After that heated discussion, my wife got the honor of turning off my A/C and turning on the heat to drive The Serpent from it's hiding place. Those who are old enough to remember the pleasures of 260 air conditioning, it hasn't changed any. It just as hot driving 60 with 2 windows down as it is driving 60 with no windows down.

Slowly, the snake crawled out of the steering column trying to reach the A/C controls. Silly me. I snatched his wittle neck before he hit the ON button. My wife celebrated the capture with another chorus of “GET IT OUT! GET IT OUT!” Now things were really getting getting serious. I had my right hand on the steering wheel. A snake in my left hand. And, my wife was having flash backs to the birth of our second child who weighted a nice 11 pounds FIVE ounces. She never lets me forget about those five extra ounces of masculinity she produced just for me, her loving husband.

Despite the nearly over whelming desire to let go off the steering wheel to turn on the A/C, I guided the car safely to the next exit with a Love's Travel Center. Not only does the Love's chain of Travel Center have the best gasoline prices and the cleanest restrooms, they also have showers. Sometimes without a waiting list.

I pulled the car under the shade of the fueling island and discovered that the back half of the snake didn't really want to be evicted without proper legal notice. Do you know how to convince a snake's ass let go of the airbag? Trust me. You don't want to just give it a sharp jerk. In the new owners manual, the manufacturer will provide graphic evidence that it is better to slowly remove reptiles in one piece than it is to clean up several sections of snake guts.

My arson trial starts in 3 weeks. I'm pleading self-defense.

I am doing well in therapy. I needed it after Susan said, “I told you we should have gone to Savannah!”
Got a 'snail mail' today allegedly written by rattle snake holding a Papermate in its coils. It seemed to be an apology for his cousin. Seems the 'little feller' had a dog like fetish for hanging his head out the window and letting his tongue flap in the wind.

Sing to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies

Let me tell you a story about a place called Hall.
Had a man named Deal controlling it all.
When one day he was feeling kind of rude.
Said ya'll pay my buddies or I'll even take your food.

All there is. Green gold. All for me!

Well first thing you know all his friends are billionaires.
Honest folk said you better move away from here.
Said federal prison is the place you ought to be.
So they loaded up the trucks and shipped it overseas.

Cayman Islands. Tax Shelters. No extradition.

Well now it’s time to say good bye to Deal and all his kin.
And they would like to thank you for kindly pitching in.
You'll never see them back again in this locality.
To have a big helping of prison hospitality.

Crossbar hotel. Calaboose. Jump suits. Sandals.

Ya'll don't come back, ya hear?

If the government shuts down, will I still have to pay taxes?

Now that is a dang good question, Goober.

If the government shuts down, will you still have to pay your taxes?

Yes. Sales taxes, excise taxes, state income taxes, federal income taxes, FICA taxes. Yuppers. All of those. Plus a stamp will still cost money.

Funny how the Post Office will not be bothered with this whole shut down thing. They are solvent and get all their needed operating funds from the sale of stamps. Maybe the Air Force should try selling stamps.

Here's how it would work.

Innocent people would buy "Don't Bomb Me" stamps. We would use multi-level marketing. You know, a friends and family plan, roll over of un-used stamps, and free transfers to a new body should that be required.

Stamps could be bought on the internet, over the phone, or from street vendors. The buyer would stick the stamps on their body. They get to pick the spot. The forehead would work. I'm sure some radical trouble makers would put a stamp on each butt cheek. Definitely not a recommended practice. I mean, how would that work for a drone unless said radical was caught with their pants down, they could get a missile between the 'stamps.'

So under the Stamp Tax, our enemies' families would be financing our Defense Department. The 400,000 civilian employees could still be working today. Making sandwiches, answering phones, and sweeping floors.

Now that's a deal!