Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Thanksgiving

It's important to remember that not everyone is surrounded by large wonderful families. Some of us have problems during the holidays and sometimes are overcome with great sadness when we remember the loved ones who are not with us. And, many people have no one to spend these times with and are besieged by loneliness. We all need caring and loving thoughts right now.

May I ask my friends wherever you might be, to kindly copy, paste, and share this status for one hour to give a moment of support to all those who have family problems, health struggles, job issues, worries of any kind and just need to know that someone cares.

Do it for all of us, for nobody is immune. I hope to see this on the walls of all my friends just for moral support. I know some will! I did it for a friend and you can too! (You have to copy & paste this one, no sharing)

I saw this on a friends Facebook page. So in keeping with the spirit of Thanksgiving, I've stolen it to repost here.

Like many people, I wanted to say something about this time of year. Nothing authentic seemed available within me.

So many religions have celebrations including our general Thanksgiving. Two of my Islamic friends are celebrating their special end of year or beginning of year events. I don't want to sound like I know enough to name those. I'm not that smart or wise.

Just everyone take a deep breath. Hold it in. Close your eyes and think, "This could be my last breath." Then, open your eyes. Breath out.

You don't have to do anything with the energy from a last breath, but you can. You can.

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

It was a Saturday morning. My wife and I were headed to Myrtle Beach, SC. I had on shorts and flip flops. Something under the dash brushed my left leg. I looked down. “Damn car is falling apart! Look at that bundle of wires that just fell out of the dash.” That's what I thought. Really. "Gosh Darn Detroit and Tokyo, too." I started to reach for the thing and it MOVES!

Rather smoothly with no trace of anxiety I turned to my bride of 35 years and said, "Would you mind taking the wheel? CAUSE THERE'S A SNAKE IN THE CAR AND I GOTTA GOOOOOooooooo!"

You know 'that' woman didn't believe me. She thought it was another one of my tricks to make her drive so I could take a nap!

I had to grab the darn thing and hand it to her before she got serious. The wheel. NOT the snake. When I say, Take the wheel ... I mean take the wheel!

Like I was going to grab up under the dash to get a snake while doing a hundred and five. Hell. I didn't know my car could still do a hundred. Need to scare the carburetor more often.

So there I am, sitting in the backseat watching my wife Susan drive from the passenger seat. Dang. That was fun to watch. Glad the cruise control was set. I had a short conversation with my Maker while Susan did the Apache fertility and rain dance in her bucket seat.

If the dang snake had had any common sense, it would have tapped the brakes.

Pulled over at a gas station and did the Fill'er up and Check under the hood pantomime to the attendant. And, “Oh, would you mind ever so much to get the snake out of the dash?” Alas, there just no full service gas stations left.

Spent a good ten minutes sticking my feet out of the window while poking my left hand into all the hidden nooks behind the dash. Seriously, would you have used your right hand or your left hand to cover your mouth so you wouldn't scream like a girl every 3 seconds?

I learned that my wife can still scream "Get it out!" as loud now as she did that night 30 years ago when our first child was born weighing 11 pounds. The only difference was that this time I shared her sense of urgency.

Does the owners manual have a chapter on removing reptiles? Oh Heck NO!. I am going to write Nissan about that. It needs to go right after the section for removing dead cats from the alternator belt.

After 10 minutes the snake wasn't through with 'Hide n Seek.' So we came up with plan B. BURN THE CAR!

Plan C was to get back in the car and start driving again. Lull the snake into a false sense of security then grab it, beat it to death with a shoe, THEN burn the car just in case snakes are like cats and hide from humans to give birth.

Started back on the road with Susan doing the Lotus position. Me? I was the bait waiting for "Death" to grab my ankles again.

After about 10 miles, Susan says, "Turn the heat on."

I was only kidding about burning the car. After a "heated discussion," my wife got the honor of turning off my A/C and turning on the heat to drive The Serpent from it's hiding place.

Those who are old enough to remember the pleasures of 260 air conditioning, it hasn't changed any.

It just as hot driving 60 with 2 windows down as it is driving 60 with no windows down.

Slowly, the snake crawled out of the steering column trying to reach the A/C controls. Silly me. I snatched his wittle neck before he hit the ON button. My wife celebrated the capture with another chorus of “GET IT OUT! GET IT OUT!”

Now things were really getting getting serious. I had my right hand on the steering wheel. A snake in my left hand. And, my wife was having flash backs to the birth of our second child who weighted a nice 11 pounds FIVE ounces. She never lets me forget about those five extra ounces of masculinity she produced just for me, her loving husband.

Despite the nearly over whelming desire to let go off the steering wheel to turn on the A/C, I guided the car safely to the next exit with a Love's Travel Center. Not only does the Love's chain of Travel Centers have the best gasoline prices and the cleanest restrooms, they also have showers.

Sometimes without a waiting list.

I pulled the car under the shade of the fueling island and discovered that the back half of the snake didn't really want to be evicted without proper legal notice. Do you know how to convince a snake's ass let go of the airbag?

Trust me. You don't want to just give it a sharp jerk. In the new owners manual, the manufacturer will provide graphic evidence that it is better to slowly remove reptiles in one piece than it is to clean up several sections of snake guts.

My arson trial starts in 3 weeks. I'm pleading self-defense.

Nightmares

When I'm not having night mares about Republicans, I have those regular ol' nightmares about snakes.

Last night, I dreamed a snake had laid eggs in my throat and the little crawlers were hatching.

In a panic, I ripped my throat out. That was a mistake. Did you know you can't scream without a throat?

All I could do was stagger out into the street covered with blood and baby snakes, holding the bloody mass that had been my throat.

Lucky for me, my neighbors are used to seeing me in worse shape. Even when I'm not dreaming. They speed dialed 911 for me. Again.

The ambulance was there quickly. I think they have my address pre-set in their GPS even in my nightmares. By the time the EMTs got me to Northeast Georgia Medical Center, three of the little vipers had been adopted. EMTs are very compassionate like that

I have to admit they were cute, too. The baby vipers not the EMTs.

I'm keeping the runt of the litter.

At the ER, Nurse Debbie and Doctor Bob got me into a treatment room right away. Sometimes, I think there is someone going on between those two. Heck, that room can't always be open just for me and my nightmares. I'll have to ask when I get my voice back.

Some Ob/Gyn came in to check on my progress. He said a natural delivery should have been done instead of that messy C-Section. He went on to say that with my big mouth, he could deliver a small truck and the Gettysburg address at the same time.

I thought about giving him a piece of my mind. He looked like that type who would put it in a glass jar and keep it in his office.

The customer service rep came in with a clip board asking me about my insurance coverage. I told her I had United Healthcare and she made an ugly face. I wasn’t really in the mood for that kind of judgmental body language. Wouldn't have bothered me at all, or it shouldn't have. After all, I had ripped my own throat out. But, still, she didn't have to be rude.

She enjoyed telling me that United Healthcare doesn't cover birthing no baby snakes at Northeast Georgia.

I qualified for Emergency Obamacare. It kicks in the year 2013 instead of 2014. I felt very lucky.

Things were winding down and I was feeling some of that post-partum blues when the Mother's attorney came in. She was suing me for custody and support and wanted a college scholarship fund.

I hope they like Georgia Tech.

I tried getting them into UGA but only Tech takes native born snakes.

Finally, my wife shocked me awake with a cattle prod. Sometimes a good nightmare is hard to leave. Last time, she used 110 volts. That left a scar!

She was rather PO'd at me again. Said I left the garage door up, my fishing poles on the deck, and my muddy boots in the closet. I'm smart enough after 35 years of marriage to say, "I'm sorry, Hun. I was kind of tired. I'll clean it up right now.

By the way, do you know where I put the worms?"

Friday, November 22, 2013

Red Rabbit, public transportation in Hall County

Hall County's Public transportation system is known as the Red Rabbit.

The Hall County Board of Commissioners hate it. Have been trying to destroy it. Nearly did so by raising ticket prices, cutting out free transfers, and reducing routes.

They really couldn't find a reason to do that except that the system didn't benefit county taxpayers, just people in Gainesville.

Odd. All people within Hall County pay taxes into the general funds, sales taxes which go to the county, and versions of SPLOST.

So the citizens of Gainesville were and are paying county taxes and getting nothing. Hall County was complaining about them being 'free riders.' That's sort of an economic term which fits really good in this transportation context.

So the city took over the Red Rabbit.

I'm damn glad.

See this link to the Gainesville Times for the success story.

Take a good look at the rider who blesses God for the Red Rabbit. Using a taxi would cost that man $20 a ride. The Red Rabbit, no more than a dollar each ride.


To me, that $19 difference is going to be spent with local merchants for food, clothes, medicine. If it goes to the taxi company? Tires, oil, gas ....

Charles Manson getting married

Yes, THAT Charles Manson.

Link

The GOP mantra of 'Marraige should be between a man and a woman.' has become "Marraige should be between a 79 year old convicted felon serving a life sentence and a 25 year woman named Star.'

Neither works for me.

Republican propaganda in Hall County

There's going to be a Brown Pants meeting on Monday.

Hall County's Congressman, Empty Suit, has organized a "Field Hearing" on Obamacare.

Why is it called a field hearing? Because they found the witnesses and evidence in a field of cow pies.

In a more serious tone, the Committee on Oversight and Government sponsored the event. Oh, the irony of House Republicans having a committee to oversee themselves. Do they understand there's no such legislation creating Obamacare? It's called the Affordable Care Act or ACA.

Who does monitor the 'monitors?' Who is making sure they make no mistakes.

The Republican answer to that age old question is, "We are!"

The Committee on Oversight maintains a website. Here's the page on the Gainesville/Hall County field hearing.

The link don't work. There's no way to preview witness and testimony documents or see the topics. Not even an agenda.

However, Congressman Empty Suit has bombarded me with emails. Excuse me. Propaganda.

Here's my pre-view:

I hate Obama.
I hate his wife.
I hate his kids.
I hate the color of his skin.

He was born in Kenya.
He faked a short form birth certificate.
He was appointed to office by the Liberal controlled Mainstream media conspiracy to convert 'America' to a Marxist Minority Majority.

Yawn.

Where's my oversight committee? It's ME!

BTW, Empty Suit is a 'native born' name given to the 9th District Congressman. Dumb Ass was taken.


Thursday, November 21, 2013

I could never be a Congressman

Very few good and decent people want to be in Congress. It's a challenging job under tremendous stress. Being a Congressional candidate forces a new perspective on life.

But, here's a story about a Congressman who 'made the grade' and got elected to the House of Representatives, Harry "Fray" Redao.

Harry "Fray" over came life within a family with a history of addictive behavior. His 3rd cousin on his Mother's side of the family was addicted to internet porn until finding pictures of his parents online in a Swingers Club ad.

His half sister used make-up daily, unable to leave the house without a hit of Mary Kay.

His paternal Great Grandfather died after years of inhaling the Black Horse, sub-bituminous coal dust. He was deep into it for years despite his family's urges to quit before he died under the crushing weight of his dependency.

Congressman Redao admitted being a life long addiction to Tea in 2012 before being elected to his first term. He was working with the Tea Party in their 12 Step Program to Nullification.

Tuesday, Redao confessed to other addictions. He had been arrested quietly by the DEA for buying under cover cocaine. Redao, seeing this arrest as the opportunity to get help, took the DEA agents to his Washingtonian apartment.

There Redao gave up his stash of White Powder, 12 bottles of Budweiser, and 6 empty boxes of Sue-da-fed, pseudoepiauditine.

The DEA agents were shocked and touched by the confession. Instead of a public arrest and humiliation, the agents quietly gave Redao a misdemeanor citation.

On Tuesday, Redao committed allocution in open court winning a year's probation and time off from Congress.

If only other people knew the secret burdens borne by brave Tea Partiers in Congress, then we all could be proud.

For a real life story based on this fiction story, follow this link.

This story has no connection to reality or any self serving politician currently on leave from Congress for alcoholism, sex addiction, or legislating under the influence (of a lobbyist).

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

End the Fed now! Or, yesterday works good, too.

I'm a fan of a stable currency, low inflation, and low interest rates.

Not everyone.

There are a few people who would strip power from our centralized banking system. I don't know who would set currency value, currency inventory, or interest rates. My personal guess would be Guido the Killer Pimp and his brother Bob the Loan Shark. If there's a bank in every dark alley, I guess we won't need a central bank.

Anyway, here's a good link to a discussion on currency value. At least the value of my favorite currency, the US dollar!

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

How not to win an argument against gun control

Just read the link.

For the stock market geek in all of us!

I can't make this stuff up.

Overnight, the market sold-off led by 5s and 7s after the German Zew Survey came in strong.

In the U.S., the market is down slightly and the belly continues to underperform with 2s10s 1 bps steeper while 2s5s is 2 bps steeper. MBS put in a strong showing yesterday as a lack of supply coupled with continued Fed buying left the Street short bonds and took the belly 4 tics tighter. Today, current coupons are another 2 tics tighter and there isn't any economic data to digest until tomorrow.

What did I get out of that?

Some family went to the Berlin Zoo and counted the animals 2 x 2. Because it cost so much, there is belt tightening. Unless they have some coupons for fast food, they will be hungry tomorrow.

That could be Major Bull Shit.

How to win an argument with a gun nut

1. Be sure they are not armed
2. Be sure you have trained medical professionals standing by
3. Don't start the argument in a state with Stand Your Ground in verbal arguments laws.
4. Be sure you are not related to the nut
5. Check their Facebook status during the friendly discussion
6. Keep your hands in plain sight
7. Make no sudden movements including the classic eye rolling
8. Have the sun at your back
9. Avoid standing in the middle of Main street at High Noon within sight of a clock tower

and last of all,

Beat them to death with a wet piece of French toast before they can draw their concealed carry weapon.

If you follow these instructions with a pure heart, you may survive.

Braves leaving Atlanta UPDATE!

The story on the former Atlanta Braves continue today.

As most of the world knows, Mortgomery has lured the Braves organization to Alabama. Atlanta Mayor Hussain Reedy has kissed them good bye and wished them the best of luck.

The Jawhjaw Goobernator, Don E. Deals, expressed his opinion that Mortgomery is just an extension of Atlanta. I couldn’t follow his logic. But, it seems we build and finance all the double wides in Alabama. As if that isn’t enough, we get half of our tax dollars through toll roads crossing the border. The other half comes from Uncle Sam.

But the breaking news isn’t from soon to be indicted Goobers. It’s those Tea Party Goobers.

They have a three part plan to stop the move.

1. Complain about it on all the talk radio stations.

2. Promise that un-Constitutional taxes will rise. Some where.

3. Nullification.

Self appointed Tea Party President, Doona Dana Dooly, gave a hand written statement to the media. It was written in cursive. Stating that the devil was in the details, she said, “They are going to raise property taxes.”

Or at least that’s what the handwriting experts think she wrote. It could have said, “Curds and Whey always raise bubble asses.”

For other rambling details see the story at Access North Jawhjah.






Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Finding the uninsured



Like we couldn't guess. Right to Work States. Republican dominated states. Former Confederate States. I could go on and on and on with descriptive terms. I don't want to do that anymore.


Link

The Big Picture on Part Time Job Growth caused by the ACA

Since I'm stealing content today, I might as link to the source.

Bottom line from the article?

Part time employment has been increasing since 2007.

That's before anyone had coined the term, Obamacare.

It's before Obama earned the Democratic Party nomination for President.

It's before anyone had heard of Sarah Palin.

Long Term Unemployed as a percentage of all unemployed

About that 'spending problem' in the Obama White House

Michelle isn't exactly buying groceries herself.

The girls don't have a concierge service for iTunes.

But the rumors fly that our country spends money like a drunken sailor.

Here's a link to a serious evaluation of spending, including those funny little charts made so famous by Ross Perot.

Braves leaving Atlanta Fulton County Stadium, State officials comment.

At a press conference today, when asked about the Braves moving to Mortgomery, Jawhjah Goobernator Don E. Deals, commented on the Veterans Day announcement.

“My administration counts this deal as one of the most successful yet. We were able to work under extremely difficult conditions in smoke filled bath rooms. Despite constant interruptions by hookers, exotic dancers, and other lobbyists, we kept the public uninformed and by passed needless second guessing.

“Timing of the announcement was critical. It could not be done during the ball season. We could not have it interrupt free agency offers for Brian McCayne. We can never punish the job producers like sports agents, entourages, and the Hair Club for Men.

“By announcing on Veterans Day, not only did we avoid the Gotcha Mainstream Media’s harassment, most God loving, patriotic, and decent Americans were giving thanks for their heroes.

“And that is how it should be. Some had to die in foreign lands, protecting our way of life and democratic government. While they died, business had to go on. Even if it had to be done in public.

“Going forward in Jawhjah, we expect to outsource more of our economic engines to Podunk places in public private partnerships provided profit permits.”


Monday, November 11, 2013

The Atlanta Braves are moving to Montgomery Alabama. Tomorrow.

The former Atlanta Braves announced a public private partnership with Mortgomery, Alabama in a press conference today.

A Braves spokes-model said, "Due to the increased healthcare costs under Obamacare, we have been forced to move the franchise to a third world country."

Mortgomery Mayor, Todd B. Strange, confirmed the move. "We have been in discussions via Twits for 5 hours. When the Braves' 19.995 year lease with Atlanta expires, they will leave Atlanta for Mortgomery. The final logistics are being worked out but we believe we have enough school buses to transport the team.

"Our prison system will supply the labor needed to refurbish our Little League Baseball diamond. We expect this free labor will save us enough to build a concession stand behind home plate. If not, we will be forced to increase sales taxes on the 32 oz. Big Gulp at the Hop In Convenience Stores throughout the state."

When asked about the limited accommodations in Third World countries like Alabama and Cobb County. the Braves spokes-model acknowledged the shortage of double wides. "We are working with another Third World country, New Orleans, to purchase previously loved, portable FEMA housing.

"The new stadium will will offer the best in box seating through corporate sponsorship with Ace Hardware. The boxed seating will be available in three levels:

Corrugated level with the standard green and white lawn chair, a bottle opener, and two paper plates.

Crate level with the folding camper chair, two Braves logo koozies, a bottle opener, 4 napkins, and two paper plates.

U-Haul level with two folding tree stand seats, an eight pound bag of ice, a combination bottle opener/can opener, two sets of plastic ware, and souvenir quality plastic plates."

Expect breaking updates via your personal Twits account.

Friday, November 8, 2013

More economics by Idiots

All economic theories have flaws. Some even have warts, missing front teeth, and body odor.

Among the worst theories, are the lame ones proposed by Libertarians under the general label, market.

Libertarians will use their personal versions of market theory as an apology for the excesses of capitalism. If they are engaged in discussion, sooner or later Marxism will be tossed into the discussion.

When we can't support a system, attacking another system destroys credibility.

And we don't see this in ourselves.

So, the market system of economic distribution is perfect compared to flawed human understanding of anything else.

That is the argument.

Ten things you need to know about Jason Carter.

Jason Carter, the eldest grandson of President Jimmy Carter, threw his name into the 2014 Georgia governor’s race Thursday. The 38-year-old Democratic state senator will challenge first-term Republican Gov. Nathan Deal. He’ll be running to turn blue a Deep South state that voted 53.4 percent for Mitt Romney in 2012, but party leaders are already lauding him as Democrats’ best shot at a competitive race. Here are 10 things you should know about Jason Carter:

1. He served in the Peace Corps. After graduating from Duke in 1997, he followed his grandmother’s footsteps and spent two years in the Peace Corps. He lived in Lochiel, South Africa, where we worked on education issues in rural areas hardest hit by apartheid. He learned to speak Zulu and Siswati.

2. He’s a ninth generation Georgian. Carter was born at Emory Hospital in Georgia’s 42nd District, and now lives in DeKalb County.

(Also on POLITICO: Dems see Carter grandson as 'a star')

3. He’s not stepping down from his state Senate seat. This means he can’t raise campaign funds until the end of the legislative season in the spring. He told the Atlanta-Journal Constitution “there’s too many debates and discussions we have to have in the Senate to quit because of political fundraising.”

4. He’s the first Carter to win an elected office following his grandfather. Carter’s dad, Jack, ran for a U.S. Senate seat in 2006, but lost to Sen. John Ensign in Nevada. Jason’s 2010 state Senate victory was the first for the family in over three decades. He’s the first Carter grandchild to seek office.

5. He’s represented NFL players. As a lawyer for Bondurant Mixson & Elmore, Carter helped the National Football League Players Association on a claim allegedly arising out of the NFLPA’s Financial Advisors Program.

6. He loves his barbecue. The senator has been known to tweet about Atlanta’s Fox Bros. BBQ, which in turn promoted his gubernatorial campaign on its Facebook page.

7. He wrote a book published by National Geographic. “Power Lines,” published in 2003, details the racial divides he experienced in South Africa while living near the Swaziland border. His grandfather wrote the introduction.

8. He has grandpa on his side. The former president has publicly supported his campaign for governor, and once campaigned on foot with the former first lady for the state Senate campaign.

9. He’s a voting rights advocate. As a lawyer, he did pro bono work on a legal challenge to a Republican-backed voter ID law. The service earned him the Stuart Eizenstat Young Lawyer Award from the Anti-Defamation League.

10. He’s married to a journalist. Carter’s wife, Kate, now a high school teacher, was an award-winning journalist at the Athens Banner-Herald. She also taught English in Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic. The couple has two sons, Henry and Thomas, ages 7 and 4, and his Twitter bio lists him as “daddy.”

The credit goes to the following:

link

What's wrong with market theories as the basis for economic policy?

For 'market theory' to work, all transactions must be between two perfect people with perfect knowledge and with the freedom not to inter into a transaction involving an item with infinite shelf life for which there are unlimited substitutes available from an infinite number of other possible sources.

Well, apart from a need for every one and everything to be perfect, markets work perfectly. Just like Obamacare.

Just a little more detail on what it takes to have a 'market.'

Infinite buyers and sellers – An infinite number of consumers with the willingness and ability to buy the product at a certain price, and infinite producers with the willingness and ability to supply the product at a certain price.

Zero entry and exit barriers – A lack of entry and exit barriers makes it extremely easy to enter or exit a perfectly competitive market.

Perfect factor mobility – In the long run factors of production are perfectly mobile, allowing free long term adjustments to changing market conditions.

Perfect information - All consumers and producers are assumed to have perfect knowledge of price, utility, quality and production methods of products.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

For the younger generation and every one opposed to cell phones in public places

A friend of a friend mentioned cell phone etiquette "hell" today. We all seem to live there. So what is the proper response when a stranger starts a personal conversation on their cell phone while using the only stall in a public restroom while you're waiting 3rd in line?

I'm voting for this response. Suddenly, and in a loud voice, say, "If I have to wait much longer, I'm going to go in the sink!"

Isn't it bad enough that people drive while texting/sexting/talking? Must we tweet on the toilet? I mean if you're tweeting for more toilet paper, expect to lose a few friends. Real friends will help you move furniture but there's no category of friend who will help with your bowel movements.

If I were really a good writer with no etiquette at all, I'd mention that we all face a paperless future. Gladly, I'm just a hack writer.

For more on cell phone etiquette, here's a great link to The Awl and it's great story by Robet Lanham, 'Your Phone Is Ruining You For Us.'

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Post-war Communist plots to destroy the United States

I knew I was behind on the conspiracy theories. Might have to start a list.

The moon landing was staged by Orson Welles.

FDR planned WW2 with help from Dick Cheney's father.

Bush flew one of the airplanes into the Twin Towers beaming back to the Florida kindergarten class just before impact.

Kennedy was accidentally shot by the Secret Service on November 21 and they staged the Dallas assassination as a cover up framing Oswald.

Martians purchased our world on a Time Sharing Plan in 1945 promising to pay with alien technologies. The first payment was the high frequency transistor. In 1975, it was the BetaMax format video recording system. In 1985, they attempted to pay with New Coke nearly causing the 1st Interstellar foreclosure. President Ronald Reagan later accepted the Windows computer operating system and a bag of jelly beans in a harsh settlement.

But, the conspiracy theory that I've been missing?

"Fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous communist plot we have ever had to face."

Nope. I couldn't make it up. I heard this yesterday.

"You know when fluoridation first began? Nineteen hundred and forty-six. 1946. How does that coincide with your post-war Commie conspiracy, huh? It's incredibly obvious, isn't it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That's the way your hard-core Commie works."

Shocked! I thought Obama was the Numberal Uno Pinko Communist threat to the country. All this time it was fluoride!

"Have you ever seen a Commie drink a glass of water? Vodka, that’s what they drink . . . on no account will a Commie ever drink water, and not without good reason. Do you realize that in addition to fluoridating water, why, there are studies underway to fluoridate salt, flour, fruit juices, soup, sugar, milk... ice cream. Ice cream, children's ice cream!"

Up until my newest best friend forever brought in "Ice cream, children's ice cream," I thought he was pulling my leg. No body messes with ice cream and children. Not in America!

So just like my friend, "I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids."

Later today, I will be filing a patent request. I've invented a urine test for fluoride. It's a do it yourself test. If you've been 'infiltrated with Communist Fluoride,' your 'wee' will look Pink and glow in the dark.

If nothing else, it will put an end to public urination.