Sunday, January 29, 2017

Trump Bans

Just released via Twitter for immediate retort:

By executive order, by the power invested in me in the unrigged election where I won the popular vote by 'millions,' the following words are banned.

Ray-ban

Bananas

Slurban

Ameban

Urban

Goban

All these bans are banned until the current Mulban ban is banned. Until then, all words ending in ban will be replaced with Trumpban.

Sunday, January 22, 2017

Trump at Work

From a co-worker: The women in the march were single, ugly, and never had a man and never will.

Being work, my response was mild. "Oh no. Most of them were housewives with nothing else to do."

Single Conservative men over the age of 25 with no girlfriends don't get sarcasm.

Trump's accomplishments on first weekend in office

Donald Trump just named MVP of NFC Championship Game.

Afterwards, he played 18 holes of golf and scored 19 holes in one.

Per White House Press release marked, "Alternative facts."

Trump at work

At work. Two of my co-workers told me the Clintons had closed down their 'foundation,' taken down the website, and were shredding documents. They're going to be in prison for the rest of their lives. Trump's keeping his promise to arrest her.

So, being work, my response was mild. 'Oh wow! No shit! You're not kidding me are you?'

No. The website has been taken down.

So I opened the website which is very against policy. 'Hey! It's still working!'

But it doesn't work. Trump has probably seized it to get donor lists. No one can donate now, especially the Saudi Princes.

So, I made a $25 donation while they watched.

Still unconvinced, they began showing me editorial headlines.

So I showed them Snopes.

So they showed me a FoxNews link.

So I read the content to them. On August 22, Bill Clinton announced the downsizing of the Global Initiative, which operates under the Foundation umbrella. All employees had been notified of the coming change to take effect, January 1, 2017.

I had a quiet night at work after that.

Friday, January 20, 2017

Education and the word on the street

In my street confrontation with my neighborhood friend, my friend bitched about how his wife, a teacher, was forced to work well into the night, usually in the basement while he slept.

He mentioned that all the Flowery Branch elite had fled the public schools leaving these kids that don't even know their daddies. He repeated that at least twice, These kids don't even know their daddies.

His suggestion? If we hear anyone talk about becoming a teacher, Beat them with a club. If they get up, beat them again. Keep beating them until they no longer want to be teachers.

Sounds like he wants to beat his wife, eh?

Thursday, January 19, 2017

Trump kills Big Bird. Cuts the legs off Kermit. Eats Ms. Piggy's bacon for breakfast.

Today, at 3.13 am, Trump killed the last of an endangered species, Big Bird. The bird went quietly. The last gasps too quiet to be heard over the roars of the crowds. Like any good New York City contract hit, the body and the blood on the street lasted longer than the funeral. Or, the unfulfilled promises offered only in youth.

Like all children, Big Bird started with ambitious thoughts of perspective parents that their child would be special. But, the long neck of the awkward big could not support parental ambitions. And, Trump gave the graceful shot of mercy using the all powerful pen and the smallest hands.

The new regimes spouting in the many States, denied the family any public ceremony by turning the fresh carcass over to private dogs. The fight for the last bone will be hidden from public and prying eyes.

We expect a New York chef soon will fry frog legs one evening with a nice Chianti and beans or prepare a formal Sunday brunch with bacon strips freshly hand sliced from world famous pork belly.

What appetite. Let it be satiated soon.

Monday, January 16, 2017

Trump deletes Mossad from his friends list

Moving the Mossad another step towards oblivion, President Elect Donald Trump deleted the Mossad from his friends list, proving nothing by saying nothing.

The Mossad did not respond, clearly proof of its non-person-hood.

Trump clearly won the next step of his on going dispute with intelligence communities called, Making Them Disappear.

Israel shuts down Mossad. No longer needs intelligence?

Donald Trump will announce the Israel intelligence agency, the Mossad, talked itself out of existence today.

The Mossad tweets will be posted at 3:17 am EST.

When asked which day, Trump replied. I'll tell you when.

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Trump replaced with Russian double during sex party

It's over. Over. Done. Fini!

Unsubstantiated rumours from Helofaplace have not been confirmed as proving anything but if we believe the rumours never reported, ...

the Russians replaced Donald Trump during a sex party with a Cossack back in 1918 using a time machine invented by aliens!

Why 1918 and Trump and Cossacks? Huge hands! Yes, Huge Hands!

Lenin and Stalin, traveling in an alien time machine built to look just like the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile, not to be confused with the Anthony Weiner mobiles, visited several sex parties at a discotek owned by Samual W. Frank. While in Sam Frank's disco, bumping and grinding to McFadden & Whitehead's,' Ain't No Stopping Us Now,' Lenin said to Stalin,

There've been so many things that have held us down
But now it looks like things are finally comin' around, yeah
I know we've got a long long way to go, yeah
And where we'll end up.

... it should be a Russian sex party attended by some decadent real estate developers with small hands, orange hair, and huge debts.

Which is when Stalin reportedly said, 'Can you say Golden Showers?'

Stalin had his favorite Capitalistic pet dog, Peabody, fire up the Whackado machine for 2013.

Well, those details from 2013 will be published in an Elvis expose' entitled, 'Who Killed Elvis Pressley?' printed on the skins of Teaparty leaders.

But, Stalin purged Lenin into history and destroyed Peabody and the Whackado machine before returning to 1918 humming,

Shake your money maker
shake your money maker


Monday, January 9, 2017

Eric Braverman missing then found dead at Yale

Sadly, rumors about Eric Braverman, have been confirmed. He's teaching at Yale, which to conservatives is the same as missing in action or dead.

Snopes previously denied Braverman's murder by the Clinton death machine but failed to provide a walking, talking Braverman.

Which pretty much means that Braverman doesn't return phone calls, emails, or tweets. Therefore, Conservatives continue to say, 'He's really dead, killed by Clinton and buried next to Julian Assange.

For a short time, Conservatives thought Braverman had reached Russia in his desperate evasions of Clinton's invisible death teams.