Capitalism, Fascism, Communism, and Socialism explained by using cows

Capitalism is where your neighbor has 200 cows with a fence around them and sells the milk in town while your children eat shit and die.

Fascism is where your neighbor is Cliven Bundy who grazes his cows on your land and shoots your children.

Communism is where there are 200 cows, no education, no minimum wage, and your children die of natural causes. Or starve during economic sanctions enforced by Capitalist with cows.

Socialism is where Bernie owns 200 cows, your children help take care of the cows and get an education, milk, and a chance to own cows some day. With a contract that your children provide the next generation an education, milk, and a chance to own cows someday.

Post-war Communist plots to destroy the United States

I knew I was behind on the conspiracy theories. Might have to start a list.

The moon landing was staged by Orson Welles.

FDR planned WW2 with help from Dick Cheney's father.

Bush flew one of the airplanes into the Twin Towers beaming back to the Florida kindergarten class just before impact.

Kennedy was accidentally shot by the Secret Service on November 21 and they staged the Dallas assassination as a cover up framing Oswald.

Martians purchased our world on a Time Sharing Plan in 1945 promising to pay with alien technologies. The first payment was the high frequency transistor. In 1975, it was the BetaMax format video recording system. In 1985, they attempted to pay with New Coke nearly causing the 1st Interstellar foreclosure. President Ronald Reagan later accepted the Windows computer operating system and a bag of jelly beans in a harsh settlement.

But, the conspiracy theory that I've been missing?

"Fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous communist plot we have ever had to face."

Nope. I couldn't make it up. I heard this yesterday.

"You know when fluoridation first began? Nineteen hundred and forty-six. 1946. How does that coincide with your post-war Commie conspiracy, huh? It's incredibly obvious, isn't it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That's the way your hard-core Commie works."

Shocked! I thought Obama was the Numberal Uno Pinko Communist threat to the country. All this time it was fluoride!

"Have you ever seen a Commie drink a glass of water? Vodka, that’s what they drink . . . on no account will a Commie ever drink water, and not without good reason. Do you realize that in addition to fluoridating water, why, there are studies underway to fluoridate salt, flour, fruit juices, soup, sugar, milk... ice cream. Ice cream, children's ice cream!"

Up until my newest best friend forever brought in "Ice cream, children's ice cream," I thought he was pulling my leg. No body messes with ice cream and children. Not in America!

So just like my friend, "I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids."

Later today, I will be filing a patent request. I've invented a urine test for fluoride. It's a do it yourself test. If you've been 'infiltrated with Communist Fluoride,' your 'wee' will look Pink and glow in the dark.

If nothing else, it will put an end to public urination.