Storm in New Jersey as Christie buries guilt next to Jimmy Hoffa

Governor Chris Christie of New Jersey denied rumors of Jimmy Hoffa's death today.

"Mr. Hoffa isn't dead. No one has seen a body. There's been no funeral. I'm telling you that the man is out there. Somewhere. Laughing at the Feds."

He went on to say, "I laugh at the Feds. Ha Ha Ha. Ho he he. See? I'm laughing."

Across town from Christie Laffer Curve event, New Jersey's Civil Defense Minister, Yosemite Sam, announced a curfew starting immediately.

"Our best information indicates an immediate threat from increased winds in New Jersey. Initial reports indicated a disturbance in the flatulence index followed by a rise in the T.U.M.S. spot reports.

"These early indicators dwarf the first reports preceding Hurricane Sandy.

"Working with the Governor's office of Public Safety, we are locking down New Jersey's borders. This come from one of the lessons we learned from Hurricane Sandy. Keep the Feds out.

"New Jersey knows what is best for New Jersey. We will evacuate essential pseudo government offices including archives, bank records, and campaign staffers.

"Until we can secure these elements which are vital in re-establishing legitimate political control post storm recovery, the borders are closed. Electronic communications will be down. And, we will shoot any invaders in large SUV's with Federal Government license plates.

"To the faithful members of the United States of New Jersey we say, Don't worry. Be happy. Just like Jimmy Hoffa, the Governor is laughing and promising a zero body count in the post storm recovery"