Chris Christie complicit in Jennifer Lawrence wardrobe malfunction

50 Shades of Grey, Batman!

Chris Christie's ex=campaign manager alleged today that Chris Christie bullied him into causing the Jennifer Lawrence wardrobe malfunction at last years SAG Awards.



We have all heard Jennifer tell Piers Anthony about being tripped by someone which caused the malfunction.

“My pants fell off!” said Jennifer, when Piers showed her the footage. “Somebody trips me on the way, I remember that,” she said while watching the video. “I’m keepin’ it together, keepin’ it together … and then my pants fall off! Yep! Oh, god.”

Secret emails are said to exist in which Goobernator Christie bullies some usher into tripping Lawrence.

"JeLa is going down. That chic films in Georgia. Now way I let her Hunger Games crew get away with that. Usher will trip her."

The plot did reveal some leg but that wasn't enough for the Chris Christie man.

"I want someone working the cones. Work the cones."

As we know, Lawrence did have a nip slip which satiated the need for revenge.



Let's be glad Lawrence wasn't filming in Gotham City.

Christie bridges evidence gap

George Washington has a lot of things named after him. Legends abound. He threw a silver dollar across the Potomac River, perhaps the first step in becoming President. The ability to throw money. He had two of his father's slaves cut down a cherry tree then he lied to his dad saying, "I take full responsibility." Another step in political growth, taking credit when minor things go wrong.

But the real George Washington story connects Chris Christie with a couple slaves. Although Christie would call them lackeys behind closed doors, the Ubernator went to high school with one of the lackeys.

That lackey controlled the George Washington Bridge over the Hudson River, the busiest traffic bridge in the United States. And he says, my high school buddy knew all about the bridge. He left his fingerprints on it. He's going down.

So what?

Christie could have said, http://wonkette.com/538682/chris-christie-takes-full-responsibility-for-underlings-terrible-vengeful-bullying. But, instead he held the O.J. Simpson Press Conference of all time. And, blamed the National Weather Service, the GDOT, Georgia Govenor Nathan Deal, the 1969 Mets, and two slaves for the bridge closing which killed somebody. A heart attack victim who died waiting for the EMTs.

But, he didn't create a culture of hatred in New Jersey. It blamed that on union thugs, teachers, and his namesake, Christie Columbus.

So what?

He will run for President on the G O T party banner. He will win the nomination. He's a sure bet to win the White House by 11 votes in Florida. The embargo will be the favorite tool of his foreign policy.

And he'll throw some money across a river or two. His slaves will cut down obstacles. He'll take responsibility. Then, fire another friend when 'minor' things go wrong.

Storm in New Jersey as Christie buries guilt next to Jimmy Hoffa

Governor Chris Christie of New Jersey denied rumors of Jimmy Hoffa's death today.

"Mr. Hoffa isn't dead. No one has seen a body. There's been no funeral. I'm telling you that the man is out there. Somewhere. Laughing at the Feds."

He went on to say, "I laugh at the Feds. Ha Ha Ha. Ho he he. See? I'm laughing."

Across town from Christie Laffer Curve event, New Jersey's Civil Defense Minister, Yosemite Sam, announced a curfew starting immediately.

"Our best information indicates an immediate threat from increased winds in New Jersey. Initial reports indicated a disturbance in the flatulence index followed by a rise in the T.U.M.S. spot reports.

"These early indicators dwarf the first reports preceding Hurricane Sandy.

"Working with the Governor's office of Public Safety, we are locking down New Jersey's borders. This come from one of the lessons we learned from Hurricane Sandy. Keep the Feds out.

"New Jersey knows what is best for New Jersey. We will evacuate essential pseudo government offices including archives, bank records, and campaign staffers.

"Until we can secure these elements which are vital in re-establishing legitimate political control post storm recovery, the borders are closed. Electronic communications will be down. And, we will shoot any invaders in large SUV's with Federal Government license plates.

"To the faithful members of the United States of New Jersey we say, Don't worry. Be happy. Just like Jimmy Hoffa, the Governor is laughing and promising a zero body count in the post storm recovery"

How to handle a bully

Some quiet and personal remarks from a Bully:



You wanna raise money in my turf? Youse better ask first.

Politics ain’t bean bag, OK?

I've made some people, as you know, uneasy.

It was the way my mother raised me. Now I wanna hear youse say something about me Sainted Mother!

Youse mothers so short she plays handball in the gutter.

I don't want yas lunch money. I wants yas paycheck. Every week. Cash it first.

I don't feel I have to wipe everybody out. Just all my freaken enemies.

If you have a choice between being a crook or a schnook, be a damned good crook.

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A bridge too far?

Not really news to political insiders.

There's a Republican Governor with ethical problems.

Now the poor man is being hounded by the liberal media for being a bully!

It's not true!

He's a Mafia Don!



Thanks to the AJC and Mike Luckovich.

Bridge to Nowhere

In all kindness, bridges in New Jersey usually provide escape routes. Since not everyone has escaped from New Jersey, all the bridges are bridges to Nowhere.

The intrepid Gubernator Chris Christy proved the Bridge to Nowhere theory about a year ago.

'He' shut down one bridge. The George Washington Bridge at Fort Lee.



Now the Gubernator didn't personally order the closing. His office did. Sort of like Obama's daughters didn't build the healthcare website. Only the girls really didn't build the website using iPhones. Some one else in private industry, possibly with help from North Korea, neglected to perform their duties.

We should applaud the Gubernator's staff. They intended to screw things up for the residents of Fort Lee and the Mission Accomplished banner hangs over the N.J. capital today. Perfect backdrop for the massive I didn't do it and I don't know how it happened and 'Why can't we all just get along' speech by Christie.

Better than Nixon's Checkers Speech, Christie doesn't get any points for good speech writing. He had a year to prep.

Unlike Bridget Anne Kelly and David Wildstein whose spontaneous text message will be required reading in PoliSci classes for several days.

Here's a couple classic lines. "Time for some traffic problems in Fort Lee," Bridget Anne Kelly.

When school buses were stuck, Wildstein chirped, "They are the children of Buono voters."

Ah, poor Barbara Buono. It's impossible to win an election without the power to close bridges.

Three heart attack victims painfully waited for EMTs while traffic delays ambulances. Ironic that Ms. Kelly texted one of her messages while attending a wake. Oh well. I guess she didn't cause the heart attacks.

Ironic the Gubernator's office started their political terrorism on ... 9/12. A day after the anniversary of the largest terror attack on U.S. soil. Same day as the Bengazi attacks.

Who knew.

My thanks to the NYT story.