We finished the Wall Press Conference

Almost live from the White House:

Republican President Donald Trump arrives riding a white Charger.

Fox News reports: The President rode in a white Dodge Charger driven by Leroy Jethro Gibbs.

CNN reports: The President was playing with a Tonka toy.

The President walks to the podium and leads the Pressroom reporters in prayer.

Fox News: The President humbled himself before the fake news reporters.

CNN: The President nodded off with his chin on his chest, snoring.

"Good afternoon, Members of the Press and all you others.

Today, I announce completion of the Wall with Mexico but did I mention my exceptional victory in the Electoral College? Most of you others haven't been reporting the truth but I had millions, millions I say, come to my after party. We won by the largest margin ever. I had 307 and half. That Green Party lady got none. Impressive victory.

The Wall. We started the wall right after calling Russian in December. I said, "I'm going to build the wall." Some of you don't remember and didn't report it. Putin has it on tape. So, while you losers were making up stories about Russian. And, Russia is fake. Fake. We built the Wall. That's right. THE Wall.

It's done and no one reported on it. Fake news will say I never built it. But, we did. I did. It's there. Duh!

We have pictures. I'm not going to share them. The fake news won't print them. Honestly. Honest.

My car is running like a well oiled machine. My driver says so. I don't have a mechanic. Don't need one. Nothing breaks while I'm around.

So, I won. It was big. I'm keeping my campaign promises. Counting my votes again. I got more votes than money. Did any one have any questions?"

Fox News reports: The legitimate President's new conference concluded quietly after a brief question and answer period.

CNN reports: As Trump left the pressroom, three reporters were shot with tazers by the Secret Service as Trump giggled like a girl.

Chris Christie complicit in Jennifer Lawrence wardrobe malfunction

50 Shades of Grey, Batman!

Chris Christie's ex=campaign manager alleged today that Chris Christie bullied him into causing the Jennifer Lawrence wardrobe malfunction at last years SAG Awards.



We have all heard Jennifer tell Piers Anthony about being tripped by someone which caused the malfunction.

“My pants fell off!” said Jennifer, when Piers showed her the footage. “Somebody trips me on the way, I remember that,” she said while watching the video. “I’m keepin’ it together, keepin’ it together … and then my pants fall off! Yep! Oh, god.”

Secret emails are said to exist in which Goobernator Christie bullies some usher into tripping Lawrence.

"JeLa is going down. That chic films in Georgia. Now way I let her Hunger Games crew get away with that. Usher will trip her."

The plot did reveal some leg but that wasn't enough for the Chris Christie man.

"I want someone working the cones. Work the cones."

As we know, Lawrence did have a nip slip which satiated the need for revenge.



Let's be glad Lawrence wasn't filming in Gotham City.