This just in from Dallas, Texas ... Rick Perry shot attempting to surrender to police

This news is a true spoof. No facts have been harmed in the making of these lies.

This just in from Dallas, Texas. Rick Perry has died after being shot 6 times by Dallas police. Rerry was indicted by a Grand ol' Jury for,being a typical Republican Governor. Having admitted to staging two invasions of Cuba, dealing drugs for guns with terrorists, and hating Federal period furniture, Perry called 911 from inside an inconvenience store near Nealey Plaza. His call immediately went to the Comcast Service Center in Dubya de Lubdick, Texas.

While on hold, Perry purchased 75 cartons of Swisher Sweets. Official spokesmodels for the late Presidential Light candidate denied the purchase saying Perry never smoked anything with a nick name like cigarillo since that one time in Havana.

Witnesses described the shooting as horrible. Something they will never be able to 'un-see.'

"That Presidential Light guy was just walking down the middle of public opinion with his head up his ass when the Truth Police told him to just fracken stop. Well, the police should have known the dude had too much shit in his ears to hear nothing.

"The dude just keeps going and the police started shooting. I mean the man had his head up his ass! Just shot him like that. Cold." said Noe Onever.

Initial coroner reports say the Presidential Light candidate was struck by six bullets with the entry and exit wounds confirming "the man had his head up his ass" when the shots were fired. Four bullets struck him in the ass. Two bullets passed through his head. The Governor would have survived the head wounds but his little ass bled to death.

Said Noe Onever, "They didn't even try to save him. No ambulance. No EMTs. Didn't even cover up the body. Just left it there like a message or something."

The last official statement from the capital mentioned the rich heritage of head wounds and politicians. "Every great politician has a head wound. Lincoln had one. Kennedy had one. Now we can a Great Texas Republican name to the list. One of the first great un-elected Presidents never. Rick "Double Tap to the Dead" Perry. No man ever had his head further up his ass."

Such ends the story just in from Dallas, Texas. This had not been the news.