Blond Army being organized by Fox News to fight ISIL, DWF's wanted

The International Policy Think Tank, also known as Fox News, has been organizing a mercenary army of women, 100% blonde.

Under Hair General Lauren Engles, the Blonde Army has already used the highest technology to confuse Liberal Idiots Educated and Successful (LIES). Bleach!

Despite warnings from the FDA and the UN, the chemical poison, stored in leaky glass bottles, figures in the coming full frontal assaults on the soon to be defeated thinking heads.

Speaking quietly through a bull horn, neighbors overheard plans to use legs and boots on the ground when confronting LIES.

"When Hair General says attack, you will throw bleach on your hair, flash your red nails, and smile. Smile, dammit! Show me your war face! The face you used to get your first husband!"

The army recruited cross dressing men from Lax Vegas as hand to hand combat instructors. Think about a divorced woman forced to spend a whole night in stilettos on a Lax Vegas street corner in head to head competition. Things will get ugly sooner rather than later.

From the high heeled mean streets of Lax recruits move into Waffle Houses and Hooters. Only officer grade Blondes get their training at Hooters. [Hooters has changed its name to Peaks after some trainees were exposed].

Waffle House has denied training women for combat.

"Yeah, some of our waitresses can dish it out, but we don't allow stilettos and mesh hoses types to handle silverware."

A tip to the general male population, until the Blonde Army deploys overseas, tip well and always maintain eye to eye contact.

Shot to death by police

Here's my version of events.

Some one steals my car. I had it parked in my drive way. I never heard a thing. Slept right through it.

Report the theft to the police ...

A week later, I hear something in my drive way. Steps on my front porch. Luckily I'm sleeping in my 12 gauge pajamas. Waving my jammies in a threatening manner, I shout, Who goes there!?

Smith and Wesson answer with 16 body shots. I die on the floor of my own home. Killed by the police serving a no knock, shoot to kill warrant.

Turns out, the police say I'm a sleep walking drug dealer living a second life (which also ended after my conversation with Mr. Smith and Mr. Wesson.)

The police toss my wife out of the bed and begin searching for my drug inventory, meth lab, and the million dollars in drug money I've hidden in my house.

Two days later, they call off the search. Two days. Did I say, two days. Yes, I did. Two days after I died on the floor of my home, the police stop tearing my home apart.

They didn't find a thing.

My family grieves. They can't bury me in my own clothes because the police seized everything in the search. My surviving wife doesn't have her own clothes to wear to the funeral.

And, the police have what to say? Nothing. By the way, felons have a right to carry guns in Georgia but homeowners don't have a right to carry in their homes.

Read the article.

Link

Let's see how this chicken processing idea works.

So, we grow the chickens and kill them. Freeze or refrigerate it. Pack it. Inventory it. Load it in containers. Put the containers on ships. Inventory it. Transport it through the Panama Canal paying fees. Cross the Pacific Ocean. Pay to dock. Unload. Inventory. Unpack the containers. Organize and process. Re-pack and re-label. Inventory it. Load into containers. Load containers onto ship. Inventory it. Cross the Pacific Ocean, again. Pass through the Canal paying fees again. Pay to dock in the US. Unload and inventory. Ship to distribution centers. Inventory. Store at proper temps. Sell. Ship to stores. Then, we pay the fuel bills, shipping crew, cargo hands, dispose of all the used packaging material. ---- and now we have chicken to eat. Well done, private enterprise.

I don't have a problem with any of that. It's basic outsourcing 101. Labor is cheaper in China. There are no regulations on processing chicken overseas. There's no workers comp, no pensions, and no unemployment. We can even hire 12 year old virgins to handle the chicken.

China gets jobs. They get chicken guts, beaks, and feet. Well, they get to visit with the guts, beaks, and feet before grinding it into McDonald's chicken nuggets. They get used plastic and cardboard boxes plus a chance for Ebola from the Liberian ship's crew.

It's a win win for everyone including the world traveling chicken.

Obama decoys on Sale in Arizona

In a press conference this morning, the White House Spokesmodel revealed the biggest of all our state secrets.

The White House has 71 full size Obama decoys, some animated.

"It's our last line of defense should an individual jump the fence, get past the outer perimeter of Secret Service and dogs, enter the building through a door or a window. We'll done extensive computer modeling. Any would be assassin would be single minded. If he or she killed one of the decoys, they would stop.

"We tried to expanded the program to Vice President Biden with just two decoys. It took six weeks to find the VP. He was at home on the sofa watching reruns of the West Wing. Seems he had entered the White House and found himself. The psychological shock of finding self awareness late in life was too much for him. He remains under care leaving us with one Biden Decoy in the White House and another on tour."

Within 4 hours of the announcement, Markie's Sporting Goods and Full Auto Weapon Sales in downtown Arizone began selling Obama decoys by the dozen. The full size dozen costs $199 and the Magnum Lite Carry is available for $299.

Markie told reporters, "No, we're not trying to attract Obama into an ambush. We think we can attract Democratic voters into an ambush."

The National Society of GOP Lovers has 2 million full sized decoys on order for election day delivery.

"We're going to turn this country around by putting Obama decoys outside of polling places. The Obama faithful will be too busy bowing to their Gawd to vote. This is plan. It will work. Wait and see."

All of the above or most of it was stolen from some other writer. Like President Donald Duck Reagan, I forgot who.

Southern intelligence in Cartoon form

“What’s it all about boy, elucidate!”



“He’s so dumb he thinks a Mexican border pays rent”



“Kid don’t quit talkin’ so much he’ll get his tongue sunburned”



“The snow, I say the snow’s so deep the farmers have to jack up the cows so they can milk’em”