Sorry. I don't remember how the salute goes.
This week, 31 Russians entered my blog in a single mass invasion. Thirty-one! All together.
Glorious Invasion!
RUSSIANS!
Monday, December 28, 2015
Saturday, December 26, 2015
Problem solving, Southern Style
I had the best time at work today.
My last customer of the day wanted to pick up his special order without a receipt. Wonderful. He didn't know the part number.
I researched his purchase history and determined he had bought p/n 48719. He paid cash. More than a week ago.
I started searching for good ol' 48719 on the special order shelf. Not there. I looked through the paper orders for 48719. No orders which means the order was filled. Searched again through all the special orders. Nothing. Went to the Commercial department and searched the filled orders. Nothing.
Went to the Manager on Duty for suggestions. Go back and look again. If nothing, look in the special order items being returned. Small note: We returned special orders after holding them for 7 days.
No 48719. Looked at inventory. We do not stock 48719. We do not have one on order. It comes in a small transparent box.
So, my "I don't have a receipt for my special order" customer asked, "Can't you find it?"
Really, Dude? You've been watching me search and heard me ask for help.
"No, I can't find it."
So order me another one ...
Absolutely. While I'm trying to re-order his special order part ... "Oh, and have it delivered to the store closest to my home."
You bet, Asshole.
So, our system won't allow me to order his special order part without pre-payment which would mean he'd have to pay twice to get one part.
Explain that to him. Have Manager on Duty come help. He and I can't figure that out. Customer still calm and easy to work with. Doing okay.
Advise him: My name is Your Little Bitch and I will order this part, call him with an expected delivery date, and have it shipped to his favorite store.
Now the shit hits the fan. Manager on Duty is still trying to bypass the system to order the special order part without pre-payment. Three other customers are waiting in line. Newest employee is going out in the parking lot to provide a free service to a customer.
Not content with that, newest employee decides to solve the special order problem.
"Just order it and when it comes in, ship it to his favorite store, closer to his home."
I spewed split pea soup at him. Levitated 2 feet off of the floor, And held up a wooden cross while screaming, "I am not going to let three people solve one problem!"
I let gravity return me gracefully to a fully upright and standing on my own two feet position. Calmly, I wiped the split pea soup from my lips and covered the wooden cross with leather before securing it in a mahogany box.
Mr. Special Order smiled. Nodded his head in approval. Put one hand on my counter. "I'll check back in a few days. Maybe next week or year. I feel really good about you taking responsibility."
Having solved another solvable problem, I closed my ass out and went home where I'm loved and cherished.
My last customer of the day wanted to pick up his special order without a receipt. Wonderful. He didn't know the part number.
I researched his purchase history and determined he had bought p/n 48719. He paid cash. More than a week ago.
I started searching for good ol' 48719 on the special order shelf. Not there. I looked through the paper orders for 48719. No orders which means the order was filled. Searched again through all the special orders. Nothing. Went to the Commercial department and searched the filled orders. Nothing.
Went to the Manager on Duty for suggestions. Go back and look again. If nothing, look in the special order items being returned. Small note: We returned special orders after holding them for 7 days.
No 48719. Looked at inventory. We do not stock 48719. We do not have one on order. It comes in a small transparent box.
So, my "I don't have a receipt for my special order" customer asked, "Can't you find it?"
Really, Dude? You've been watching me search and heard me ask for help.
"No, I can't find it."
So order me another one ...
Absolutely. While I'm trying to re-order his special order part ... "Oh, and have it delivered to the store closest to my home."
You bet, Asshole.
So, our system won't allow me to order his special order part without pre-payment which would mean he'd have to pay twice to get one part.
Explain that to him. Have Manager on Duty come help. He and I can't figure that out. Customer still calm and easy to work with. Doing okay.
Advise him: My name is Your Little Bitch and I will order this part, call him with an expected delivery date, and have it shipped to his favorite store.
Now the shit hits the fan. Manager on Duty is still trying to bypass the system to order the special order part without pre-payment. Three other customers are waiting in line. Newest employee is going out in the parking lot to provide a free service to a customer.
Not content with that, newest employee decides to solve the special order problem.
"Just order it and when it comes in, ship it to his favorite store, closer to his home."
I spewed split pea soup at him. Levitated 2 feet off of the floor, And held up a wooden cross while screaming, "I am not going to let three people solve one problem!"
I let gravity return me gracefully to a fully upright and standing on my own two feet position. Calmly, I wiped the split pea soup from my lips and covered the wooden cross with leather before securing it in a mahogany box.
Mr. Special Order smiled. Nodded his head in approval. Put one hand on my counter. "I'll check back in a few days. Maybe next week or year. I feel really good about you taking responsibility."
Having solved another solvable problem, I closed my ass out and went home where I'm loved and cherished.
Wednesday, December 23, 2015
Trump shocked by bathroom issues, fear of toilets, and
Yes, Donald, women use the restroom when needed.
So do I.
Maybe you have a private pisser with you where ever you go.
But, I use the public restroom when I'm traveling.
AND, we don't talk about it much. Well, maybe we talk about Republicans with a wide stance. But, mostly, regular people don't discuss the quality of the seat or the relationship an asshole has with single sheet TP. Just because it is a public restroom, doesn't mean there are no walls.
So try it some time, if you have the courage to stand in line, unzip yourself, and shake the last drop out before washing in your hands.
Other people do it.
Your whole thing about how your shit doesn't stink is bullshit. Which gets me to the punch line.
If you've been holding it in for all these years, no wonder you're full of shit.
So do I.
Maybe you have a private pisser with you where ever you go.
But, I use the public restroom when I'm traveling.
AND, we don't talk about it much. Well, maybe we talk about Republicans with a wide stance. But, mostly, regular people don't discuss the quality of the seat or the relationship an asshole has with single sheet TP. Just because it is a public restroom, doesn't mean there are no walls.
So try it some time, if you have the courage to stand in line, unzip yourself, and shake the last drop out before washing in your hands.
Other people do it.
Your whole thing about how your shit doesn't stink is bullshit. Which gets me to the punch line.
If you've been holding it in for all these years, no wonder you're full of shit.
Sunday, December 20, 2015
Possible Star Wars spoilers
If Star Wars were truly Americanized ...
All Light Sabers would be semi-automatic with pistol grips.
Snowspeeders would have had better ground effect skirts.
The Imperial AT-AT would have painted pink desert camo.
The Millennium Falcon would have some old bumper stickers supporting Bush/Cheney for Emperor.
The Stormtrooper's uniform would have a drop down back door. And, graffiti on the helmets.
Darth Vader would have been drinking Coke Zero.
Luke's Landspeeder would have had sunvisors with lighted vanity mirrors and an Elvis bobblehead doll on the dash.
All Light Sabers would be semi-automatic with pistol grips.
Snowspeeders would have had better ground effect skirts.
The Imperial AT-AT would have painted pink desert camo.
The Millennium Falcon would have some old bumper stickers supporting Bush/Cheney for Emperor.
The Stormtrooper's uniform would have a drop down back door. And, graffiti on the helmets.
Darth Vader would have been drinking Coke Zero.
Luke's Landspeeder would have had sunvisors with lighted vanity mirrors and an Elvis bobblehead doll on the dash.
Wednesday, December 16, 2015
Your 2nd Amendment explained
In the debate about gun control, many gun enthusiasts argue that the Second Amendment to the Constitution was written, not for the purposes of hunting or even self-defense, but specifically to give people the ability to rise up against the government when they no longer support that government.
These gun enthusiasts further hold the reference to the word militia in the Second Amendment refers to the armed populace in general. As such, this militia has the right to own the type of weapons that would be required to overthrow the government if need be.
Let’s take a look at exactly what the Founding Fathers put in the Constitution and other laws about the Militia:
Article I, Section 8 of the Constitution lists among the powers of Congress: To provide for calling forth the Militia to execute the Laws of the Union, suppress Insurrections and repel Invasions; To provide for organizing, arming, and disciplining, the Militia, and for governing such Part of them as may be employed in the Service of the United States, reserving to the States respectively, the Appointment of the Officers, and the Authority of training the Militia according to the discipline prescribed by Congress;
Article II, Section 2: The President shall be Commander in Chief of the Army and Navy of the United States, and of the Militia of the several States, when called into the actual Service of the United States;
Amendment 2: A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.
Amendment 5: No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger;
That is every reference to the Militia in the Constitution. The description of the Militia in Article I sounds very much like our country’s National Guard. It is supposed to be well-organized with officers and training.
From Myth
These gun enthusiasts further hold the reference to the word militia in the Second Amendment refers to the armed populace in general. As such, this militia has the right to own the type of weapons that would be required to overthrow the government if need be.
Let’s take a look at exactly what the Founding Fathers put in the Constitution and other laws about the Militia:
Article I, Section 8 of the Constitution lists among the powers of Congress: To provide for calling forth the Militia to execute the Laws of the Union, suppress Insurrections and repel Invasions; To provide for organizing, arming, and disciplining, the Militia, and for governing such Part of them as may be employed in the Service of the United States, reserving to the States respectively, the Appointment of the Officers, and the Authority of training the Militia according to the discipline prescribed by Congress;
Article II, Section 2: The President shall be Commander in Chief of the Army and Navy of the United States, and of the Militia of the several States, when called into the actual Service of the United States;
Amendment 2: A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.
Amendment 5: No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger;
That is every reference to the Militia in the Constitution. The description of the Militia in Article I sounds very much like our country’s National Guard. It is supposed to be well-organized with officers and training.
From Myth
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