312 Cossacks and Counting

This week in blogging news, 312 Russian Cossacks have entered my blog. Three times as many Russians read my blog than Americans. The question which dumbfounds me is why do they visit a blog named North Georgia Democrats which has no affiliation with any political party?

Well, there was that post about Putin killing his gay lover. My sources, rather poor sources, claimed Putin went all Sharon Stone with an ice pick followed with a Silence of the Lambs dinner party with fava beans and a nice Vodka.

The story proved to be false. Putin did not kill his lover. His favorite butt buddy lives part time in New Jersey. Safe from the Russian grill. For now.

Then, I wrote that story about Putin and the Time Machine. Seriously, what would you do with a time machine if you were the Third Most Powerful Man in the World, with Obama being first and that Korean guy second? Would you meddle in the past or seek out future events? Most of us would travel forward but not a True Conservative. They would go meddle in the past.

So Putin traveled back and tried, over and over, to destroy the US. After 100's of trips, he destroyed the time machine. Someone heard him say, it works out better this way. Hold my beer.

Then, Marx met Lenin in the Pope's purgatory. It was a true story. But, dasvidaniya Comrades! I gave first billing to Marx who never killed 20 million people. Oh, that must have hurt.

So, I just don't know what could attract an audience in a totalitarian country. Shrug.

Putin gives Republican Party leaders Order of Lenin medals made of Fools Gold

Putin sent a dozen 'Order of Lenin' medals to the USA via FedEx. The Justice Department intercepted the package. The CIA refused to open and inspect the boxes. The package being on domestic soil, the job fell to the FBI.

Being smarter than a cat, the FBI refused to open the boxes saying, 'if we open the box, a cat dies. Nobody wants to kill a cat.'

A reporter shouting questions from the street corner nearest the potentially explosive boxes was arrested. Jelly Konrad, Republican leadership spokesperson denied any connection with the reporter's arrest. 'Yes,' she said, ' we know the reporter. He's a reporter. But, he wasn't reporting at the time of his arrest. This precludes the arrest from any violation of the reporting clause in the Constitution.'

Seance' Spicer twitted from under a rose bush that the reporter wasn't really a reporter because he wasn't reporting anything, just yelling about explosives. And, we can't have someone screaming bomb every time a box full of cats or maybe not full of cats is found by the Justice Department.

When asked why are there cats in the boxes, he repeated, 'There could be communist cats in the boxes. Maybe there aren't communist cats.'

While this exchange continued, a homeless man who looked a lot like Woody Harralson's dad, approached the boxes. Spectators, as no reporters could have been reporting what hadn't happened yet, said the man grabbed the boxes and began running down Pennsylvania Avenue.

Various reports by reporters reporting claimed the man had political motivations in stealing the boxes of cats that might not be in the boxes. Some heard him shout, "Wait 'til I get to the Grassy Knoll with this shit!"

A New England Patriot's linebacker who was not visiting the White House tackled the homeless man. That is when the boxes were dropped and broke open. The Capital police, the FBI, and Seance' Spicer threw their bodies over the broken boxes. Some reporters reported erroneously that Amy Shummer had been thrown onto the boxes. These reporters reported in a later report that it wasn't Amy. It was Melissa McCarthy.

Finally, a deep voice, perhaps that of a man speaking from the shadow filled area of the new parking garage said, 'It's not about pussy!'

We are awaiting a news Conference for pre-reporters at the Rose Garden. A preview of the topic confirms our worst fears.

'We cannot confirm or deny the existence of any communist cats at this time.'

Noose tightens on Putin and Republicans

Troubled? Troubled!?

A CEO of a family corporation worth billions, makes a hundred grand doing a reality TV show based on the tag line, "You're fired."

The Republicans nominate that CEO and elects him President of the United States. And, when that CEO acts like the tyrant in a Hollywood movie about all that can go wrong in a Banana Republic, all you have to say,

"I feel a little troubled by the second firing of a top federal law enforcement officer involved in the investigation of Russian election interference and international Republican collusion to seize our government."

Read the quote about being troubled while watching Democracy being beaten to death.

Six Reasons Comey might have been fired.

My Six Reasons Comey was fired.

1. Under oath, Comey admitted to be nauseated by Republicans in the White House.
2. Insecure old fart in the White House has to sleep in his New Jersey doghouse because his Russian bride said, 'No way, Jose!'
3. Presidents can't fire comedians on Saturday Night Live.
4. There's a secret war in Cambodia where we are illegally fighting Godless Communists.
5. There were no alien ships or bodies in Area 51.
6. Putin said, "Kim Jong Un told me, you have a little dick and can't get it up without Science. And, Comey told me it was true!"

Putin

Alexander Putin ... visited my blog yesterday. Said he was from Russia.

Right.

He needed to wire money to his cousin, Daniel Trump but needed me to help.

So I said, 'Sure. A lot of my Russian visitors need financial help.'

So here's what I did today.

I rented a golf cart, bought a bag of new golf clubs, and sat in the parking lot of Robbie Jonsing Golf Course in Atlanta. I waited for a man to approach me. The code phrase for his greeting?

Do you wanna beat the bushes?

My coded reply?

I've got the clubs if you've got the balls.

His confirmation phrase?

Grab them by the pudding and let's go beat the bushes.

I couldn't make that up.

He directed me to the third dogleg on the right and headed straight into the rough. Then, out of bounds. Then, into the woods where he began beating the bushes with his driver.

No, he didn't use me to beat the bushes, He borrowed my new driver. Oh, Hello. I'm confused.

So I asked, Why are we doing this.

He replied with a straight face.

"This is the only way to beat the Bushes.'

Okay.

So are we looking for something?

'Yes, a toupee filled with a billion dollars.'

Well, that will never happen.

So I helped beat the bushes, kicked the bald man in the balls, hocked the golf cart instead of returning it, and sold the golf clubs on Craigslist.

Well, my ad was honest.

One set of golf clubs. Never used on the course. Used to beat bush, kick balls, and find billions of dollars hidden under a toupee. Bag included.

Some one named BoredUs bought the clubs and had me ship them to New Jersey, COD.

I don't make this stuff up. It just happens as I type.

Give my creation LIFE!

Keystone Pipeline

Dr. Frankenstein

Monsters

Yes, you can connect the dots. Private industry builds pipelines with fail-safe mechanisms equal to the protections in ... I don't know ... nuclear weapons and reactors.

Think Dr. Strangelove meets Fukushima Daiichi.

So when the Keystone Pipeline had a simple blowout, there must have been alarms blaring, sirens screaming, lights flashing ... which attracted a single 'passer-by' who said, "Look at all that fucking oil leaking out of that damn pipe!"

I don't make it up. I only spin it.

Read how the Keystone Pipe has been leaking like the Trump Whitehouse here.

Russians in first place!

At least 73 Russians visited my blog during the past 7 days!

Friends, Family, RUSSIANS!

Sorry. I don't remember how the salute goes.

This week, 31 Russians entered my blog in a single mass invasion. Thirty-one! All together.

Glorious Invasion!

RUSSIANS!