Some gun lovers would kill over the dinner table then finish dinner

A gun nut threw this in my direction recently. I was at work and couldn't really give him what he deserved.

'When I take my family out to eat at Chili's, I sit facing the door. If someone comes in with an AK47, they might get off a couple shots. But, I'm going to pop him in the chest twice then twice more in the head. Then, sit down and finish my dinner.'

If not born a killer, he's trained to be one.

I would not give a gun to any man who could kill another man then sit down and eat the remains of dinner.

Would you? Hell, no.

He should immediately think of his children, then his wife, then the wounded as our gun nut has conceded a couple shots to the 'active shooter.' Continuing dinner isn't a heroic action. Shooting a killer might be heroic. Heroic, in this gun nut's wet dream, would be to see to others when the shooting stopped, starting as I said with his family.

How would your children feel after 6 shots were fired, 4 of them going past their ears. What about your spouse. There's time to say, get the children under the table and stay there until I'm sure this is over. Then, make a defensive position between them the 'active shooter.'

Sit down and eat dinner? Ignore your family? Ignore the other humans?

No, this gun nut isn't qualified to be human or hold a gun in a public place.

Dental now painless

Another dentist was killed today after being lured from the sanctuary of his home by the promise of free Novocaine. Pictures were posted to the internet showing he was decapitated and his skin ripped from his body.

His killers responded to the Associated Press. 'We did not know this man was a community favorite. What we did know was that he had caused pain and anguish throughout his career. It was his time to go and people should thank us.'

When asked about the Novocaine ... "That is just a false accusation. The Novocaine was never in any danger. We had a license from Canada for public transportation and display of the drug. Our people were trained in the handling and usage of Novocaine as a dental lure. Never at any time, before or after the kill, was there any chance of the general population becoming numb.'

Ben Carson can save us!

Ben Carson, Ben Carson, Ben Carson!

I get his email blasts. Love them. He sure sells a lot of advertising for a political candidate.

I can get the wrinkles removed from my face without surgery. Damn! Can I get new hair from a bottle, too?

The United States dollar will be worthless when a new currency is issued in October. Lucky for me I can buy gold now.

Ben's advertisers can also dissolve 50 years of artery clogging plaque through an accidental discovery. Bye bye to my blood pressure medicine, chest pains, and no more cholesterol.

Ben's advertisers can fix the problems with my penis, stop the aging process, and help with my knee pain.

Hell, if this man can solve all my health problems while selling me gold, he must be the man to run the country? Right?

Progressive Insurance claim

Ah the wonders of good faith.

I presented my request to the Mr. Mitul Patel with the Norcross office of Progressive Insurance by phone yesterday.

Little prick.

He kept putting his phone on mute or hold while I was talking. Then saying, Oh. I think my phone is cutting out. I didn't hear what you said.

Very funny, Mr. Patel.

My wife was burned on the face and hand by the air bag. We've visited her oncologist about the burns and examination of her chemo port. The port connects with her aorta.

So Mr. Patel offered $2,500 to settle.

I said I'd have to think about it.

Should have said, my brain is breaking up. I can't understand what you're suggesting.

I survived the 60's until I turned 60

Jimi Hendrix was playing the guitar. He played it behind his back, with his teeth while going down on this chick, Janis Joplin. She was moaning and crooning in a gravelly voice about a John named McGee. The pulsing orgasms of the setting sun framed the stage.

I dropped more brown acid and tripped on past the post coital cuddles. The downer dry mouth woke me and Boom! It is today! A black man lives in the White House and Red Necks with guns guard the Jolly Green Marines. Jeeps come with four doors and gays in married pairs. Jesus Freaks rebuilt the Temple and sold it to corporate person-hoods. Gold Freaks wave signs on street corners declaring the Note is dead, killed by Fred. Bruce Jenner puts the seat down and stands up for women. Teen girls all wear the same Barbie boobs and plastic smiles.

There's a war in some country we want to own and we lost a war in a country no one now owns. If you're sick enough, you can have hash. Maybe. Smokes come with an extra set of batteries and cars get a charge outside the bar. Johnny De Law takes moving pictures proving guilt of the innocent dead.

So it goes all Slaughter House Five but I survived the 60's until I turned 60.

What shape will boredom take tonight?